Valentine’s Day has just past and it really had me thinking. In my post last week, I talked about how singles should spend their Valentine’s Day. While writing it, I was all perky and excited because I believe that it’s a day for singles to celebrate in! However, after going out to different stores, seeing Valentine’s Day section, then attractive men (had to throw in “attractive.” Lol) purchasing gifts, y’all…I found myself all the way lost in my feelings. I felt that looniness and it was no fun.
I’ve never been in a relationship and it gets a little uncomfortable talking about why I’m single or why I haven’t been in a relationship before. I have clear answers to the questions, but those answers haven’t helped me get into a relationship.
Some like to say that the generation I live in, millennials, are entitled and I would agree. It didn’t occur to me that what I am doing in my life now will determine my future. I mean, I’ve always understood that one has to take specific steps to get to where they want to be, but I have always followed the path of the “norm.” I thought it would be enough if I just graduated from high school and go to college and everything would magically fall into place. You know the stories of couples who met in college and how they were able to grow together and start a family. I thought that’s how my life would turn out.
Living this path of what roads one should take throughout their life, I lost myself. Well, it wasn’t impossible to lose myself when I actually didn’t know who I was.
Going through high school and college not knowing who Jasmine was, and being lost and confused truly affected my confidence level. I didn’t have ANY confidence and it’s not like I was totally aware of my lack of confidence, I literally thought I was good. Not saying that those times should be spent focused on getting a boyfriend, but when you’re surrounded by other girls who are getting attention from boys, you question where your love is! hmmm
As I look back now, I realize that I was in my OWN world. If only I knew then, what I knew now, ya girl would probably be married! Lol But I don’t want to make it seem like there was something wrong with me, mentally or physically, I was literally just living the life as a teenager and I can’t be mad at that. I don’t want to make any comparison, but that’s what’s about to happen: how teenagers are now, is COMPLETELY different from when I was a teen. It’s not like it’s been years, but some time has passed and now I understand why I haven’t gotten any “play.”
I’m in my twenties now and I’ve been having a few conversations with God, like what’s up! I felt like I’ve been patient and deserved to be in a relationship. If you read my post from last week, I can attest again that God was listening. There was a point when I wasn’t obeying God and I was actually very impatient. I felt that since I couldn’t “find” a man in my everyday life, that I would resort to the internet.
The thirst was extremely real, but it wasn’t a physical thirst, more of a yearning to be loved. I wanted to be held and have that feeling that someone truly cares for me.
Don’t play yourself when it comes to love because it’s real!
While doing the online dating, I was honest with men that I didn’t want to connect physically, i.e. sex. I would like to save my body for one man, the man I get married to! I legit thought I was going to find love online. Most of the men I talked to only had one thing in mind, sex. And some would even try to be slick with it: y’all talk for awhile, go on a date, then they would hit you with their “physical needs.”
My experience with online dating was basically a slap in the face from God because I chose not to listen to Him (not a bad slap, more of an I need to stay focused!!). I knew it wasn’t my time, but I wanted it anyway and God had to show me that I wasn’t ready; a hard head makes a soft behind. All of the men I met weren’t bad, some of them were AMAZING, however, they made me realize that I really wasn’t ready to for a relationship.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted…
A time to weep, And a time to laugh…
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing…
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.
This is not a testimony of me stating that I’m currently with the man God has sent to me, although I wish that were the case! Lol, I hope that sharing my story would either inspire you to tell yours or reflect on certain situations that have happened in your life.
Just like we have different seasons throughout the year, it’s the same for our life. We have to understand what season we are in and respect that. Not respecting the season we’re in is like going outside during the winter in summer clothing; you’re not that thirsty for summer to come!
Take the time to reflect on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 because that applies to EVERYTHING in our lives. There are many stories I could tell, but with this time of year and this scripture, it really hit home on my experience with “love” or lack thereof. I like to believe that love is the key to all issues in our lives. We may be stressing about things that don’t even matter, but it when it comes to the love aspect of our life, that’s something that truly affects our outlook.
If you’re going through it, whatever IT is, just know that your time is coming. Understand the season you’re in and use that to your advantage! We all have those seasons we don’t like, but we also know those are in preparation for something better.
Breath in. Now Breath out. It’s going to be okay.